And if I knew of a twelve-step program that could help me, I would willingly seek out the next available meeting.
I'm addicted to sleep.
I'm not saying this to be funny, or to commiserate with other tired moms out there. I know all of us would love to take a nap, or are tired from being woken up during the night one too many times. But once I started thinking about my need for sleep like an addiction, it really fits.
To test my theory, I copied, pasted, and edited the ten warning signs of alcoholism:
Do you ever sleep after telling yourself you won't?
All the time. I always start the day with the best of intentions, telling myself I won't lay down to take a nap, but sooner or later I do.
Does your sleeping worry your family?
Do you sleep when you feel angry or sad?
Sleeping is my main form of escape. If I'm angry, but especially if I'm sad, I curl up under the covers and go to sleep.
Have you ever felt you should cut down on your sleeping?
Every day that I am home from work or it's the weekend and I have the opportunity to sleep, I do. I feel I should cut down on my sleeping every day.
Do you get headaches or have hang-overs after sleeping?
Not really. Finally, one question I can say no to! Though I do often wake up with my kidneys hurting so much because I was too tired to get out of bed and pee.
Does your sleeping ever make you late for work?
Yes. I can convince myself of anything in order to hit the snooze alarm or reset the alarm so I can sleep just a little bit more.
Have people annoyed you by criticizing your sleeping?
Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your sleeping?
Do you ever forget what you did while you were sleeping?
Obviously not. Woohoo, another question I can say no to. That makes two! However I do almost always forget about everything I have planned when trying to get more sleep. And I do forget everything that I promise the kids or DH in order to be able to sleep for five more minutes.
Have you ever gone to sleep first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover? Not to "steady (my) nerves or get rid of a hangover" but I often go back to sleep first thing in the morning. Sometimes I wake up, stretch, and then just go back to sleep, and sometimes I get myself a bowl of cereal first before I go back to sleep.
There. I've answered every question. And I return to the original website to check out what my responses mean with a feeling of dread, and my fears are confirmed when I read, "If you answer even one of these questions with a 'yes,' you may be an alcoholic." Or, in my case, a sleep addict.
And just like a food addict who struggles because food is one of those things you can't live without, I can't go cold turkey to break my addiction to sleep. But sheer will power is not cutting it.
I don't know what to do about this. I thought when I got diagnosed with Narcolepsy so many years ago I would be able to stay awake and alert for longer periods of time, but it's just not happening. But I do know that admitting the problem is the first step in solving it, so that's what I'm doing:
I am Miss Mommy, and I am addicted to sleep.